On Tuesday, I packed up, moved out of my dorm; and came home after my first year of university. I wrapped all my sacred items in tissue paper for the journey home, gave thanks to any spirits that may reside in the building I lived in (honestly though, I don’t think there were any that could be called permanent household spirits in such a place) and fumigated my shrine area with bay to ‘de-consecrate’ the space.
In many ways this year has been successful. I passed the year with 75%, and worked at a hospital which has reassured me that I am working towards a career that I really enjoy. I spilled urine on myself, tested the viscosity of some guy’s sperm, held disembodied cancerous bowels, exposed myself to T.B and saw a refrigerated dead guy; yet loved every second of it.
I got involved in a real life pagan community full of sane people that volunteer and contribute, and I met my best friend through that group.
One thing that has suffered this year is my worship and general spiritual practice. I’m still mulling over the exact reasons why. Around Christmas it was due to a crisis about the direction that my path was going in (this is still an issue, but I am no longer panicking). The rest of the time it has perhaps been a mixture of a lack of space, and disliking my environment. One thing it hasn’t been due to is lack of time, and that’s a little worrying because it suggests apathy. I have expanded my knowledge base by reading, but made no progress at all in practice. It’s embarrassing to say that I can count on my hands the amount of times that I have done any ritual work bigger than a basic libation.
All I can do now is work on changing that. I can hope that next year will be better. I can actually listen to my gods. I can start putting theory into practice.
Over the next 3 months I will hopefully be doing some volunteer work at the community hospital, and passing my driving test. Other than that there isn’t much I need to worry about. I will use this time for religious things. I can spend hours at a time in front of my shrines, or meditating; and I can go out and collect plants to play with and learn about. I can really repair the damage that this year may have caused.
One day I promise that this blog will be full of interesting posts, and not just me whining about what I haven’t done and how confused I am.
P.s- Any prayers or good thoughts you could send my way for my driving test would be greatly appreciated!