I needed last week. Whilst on holiday over easter, I walked down beaches and in woods; identifying the wild flowers as I went. I read lots and sat in the sun. Upon my return, I met with friends old and new. I sat in
meadows big gardens and went on treasure hunts. I sat in meditation daily for once, I did yoga and even a few lady press ups to strengthen my upper body.
Last week was entirely for myself; to wind down and to sort my shit out. A couple of weeks ago I had a mini mental breakdown, and I’m pretty sure it was orchestrated by some higher power (I think it may be Hera, but I truly don’t know). I was fragile and emotionally erratic for a number of days. I found that I was behind in work and had missed some important appointments. This culminated in me somehow getting lost on a bus for an hour. I can only describe the whole sequence of events like the disarming of Patroclus.
Anyway, after panicking and then being angry followed quickly by being upset; I started to really think about things. I had become too reliant on others emotionally (without anybody noticing because so often it appears that others are dependent on me), I didn’t pay enough attention to my surroundings, I was getting disorganised and I had no self esteem to the point that it was starting to affect those around me negatively. In the past I had tried to bury the issues, or patch over them without ever actually getting to the bottom of why I was acting or feeling a certain way.
In order to be of any help to other people and my gods, I need to first take a little time for myself. I also need to significantly more grounded that I normally am, and a whole lot more organised. More importantly, I need to pay attention to my emotional state instead of ignoring and silencing the bad with sleep or banality.
This is what I’m doing right now. I’ve scaled right back on all the bullshit and all the distractions. I have started taking a little time for myself (time for myself doesn’t necessarily mean time alone) to do the things I have always wanted to do, and also started working through Kissing the Limitless by T Thorn Coyle.
I bought this book back in march when I got my kindle, but have only recently begun to read it. It is EXACTLY what I need to read at this point (it’s funny how things work out, isn’t it?). I am working through the suggested activities in the book month by month, and reading ahead through the rest at the moment. I recommend it to those looking to integrate their practice into their daily lives.
My shift in emotional state is palpable. I am noticeably happier and am engaging in life more fully than I was before. Last week was what I needed. I’m happy!