If you have ever read previous blog entries here, you’ll know that in the last few months I have experienced somewhat of an upheaval in terms of religious practice, approach and methodology. Since christmas I have ‘spread my wings’ so to speak. I have tried new ritual formats and calendars, I have studied and tried things wildly different to my primary religious path, and spent a period of time focusing much less on regular practice and more on a whole lot of self examination.
I feel that this time has passed now, and I find myself once again inclined to wanting nothing more than daily devotional time with my gods in the traditional manner. I realise that nothing else matters in my spiritual life like my gods do. Well, actually I always knew this but it isn’t always as obvious as it has been recently. Whilst I can idly chit chat with locals about circles or something, and am enjoying my recent studies regarding new divination systems; nothing captures my heart and my imagination more than the gods of the Greeks. If you talk to me about something I am interested in, I will be polite and articulate (I know the articulate part probably doesn’t come across well here due to poor sentence structuring and the like but trust me on this). If you ask me about my gods I can talk with the fervour of a fucking TV evangelist.
It seems almost like I am back to where I began. My practices haven’t changed much in methodology or focus (to be honest, they never really did throughout this whole process. I like my re-con format), and to an outsider looking in it looks like I’ve done nothing but sit on my ass for several months.
At first, I wasn’t content with this. I felt that I should have some sort of tangible proof of progress (even though it was my mindset that was the issue and not my basic practices), and thus felt that I had achieved nothing. I also expected that by now my practice should be stable and consistent anyway, because that’s how others appear to be.
Now I realise that these things tend to occur in cycles. I have naturally oscillated between more time practicing vs. more time studying for the entire time I have considered myself pagan. In much the same way, I constantly move between change and stability.
Now is a time of stability and practice. These times are my favourite ones, and they tend to last the longest. I am at home at the moment in an environment that is easy for these periods to occur; and I know that it will get more difficult to maintain this when I’m back in my uni dorm (hell, this is WHY I’ve had all this issue in the last 6 months). As I mentioned in a previous post, the room is ill laid out and cramped, not to mention that my boyfriend more or less lives with me. This I adore, but for now it’s the two of us in nothing but a bedroom. Next year when we have a flat (and thus, more rooms that are ours), I can have devotional time with my gods and he can go sit in the lounge or something.
Expect this blog to become more Hellenic in spirit, as it was once intended to be. I am still struggling with this uploading photo thing but Dave suggested a way in which I can get round the broken SD port. Therefore, expect some of the many photos I have promised over the last few months also!