Illness (TW:Depression)

At the beginning of the year, I set myself goals. Realistic, attainable goals about where I would like to be by the end of the year in terms of my religious practice.

I have achieved precisely one of them. Nor am I anywhere near my starting point.

For some reason, depression has hit me particularly badly over the last 6 months, and as a result pretty much all of my religious practice has fallen by the wayside. I barely even water my plants. It’s hard to light incense and pour out a libation when you feel apathetic and lethargic to the point of being unable to muster the energy to move or speak. It’s hard to maintain connection and communication with your gods; when you can’t interact with the people or even the animals in your life properly.

Recently, I have been better. I dealt with the physical side of the illness first. Since July I have drastically changed my diet for the better, and I took up yoga. My persistent headaches stopped, I have more energy and I am pretty damn muscular for a woman of my stature (hello six pack!).

Everything else has been slower, but I’m getting there. On Thursday I met up with some female friends as we often do around the dark moon, to practice divination together and read for each other. I was worried I was going to be super out of touch, because I hadn’t done any divination for a good few months. I had people pouncing on me before the draw (we put names in a hat to determine who reads for who) asking for readings; particularly with my casting collection. I read for three people and got positive feedback with both tarot and my collection, and so I felt a lot better. It also really meant something to see that people obviously value my readings.

I myself received just one reading. My friend apologised that she did not know her oracle cards well, and read the meanings by rote from the book, but it was all spot on. The reading was so specific and relevant that I nearly cried.

The whole night left me feeling refreshed and happy, and I woke up the next morning feeling more myself than I had done in months. That night I took some time for myself, and honoured my gods for the first time in recent memory.

The next few weeks will see me return to establishing a foundation of practice. This thought makes me happy.

Today, I greet my gods and pick a tarot card before heading out for a jog and then later a walk in the park to see the rutting deer!